I Have A Disease That Lives Between My Ears; Speaks In My Voice; And Wants To Kill Me

Twenty or 30 years ago if you went for a walk in any major city, you would see people walking down the street talking to themselves. Most of these people were mentally ill and homeless. It was quite clear that if someone was talking to themselves, they were probably disturbed. Today, when you walk down the street in any major city, you will see scores of people who are talking to themselves. Yes, a few of them still suffer from mental illness. The majority of them are people talking on their cellphones with ear wires or a blue tooth. If we didn’t know any better, it would appear that large segments of the population had gone mad.
For those of us in AA, NA or AA those voices were real enough. While we where active in our addiction, we had a voice which attempted to totally deny how we were harming ourselves or others. It was the voice that told us to take another drink, or another snort. It was the voice that urged us to hit the Viennese table after we had already piled our plate high with sweets. It was the voice that told us we were worthless or weak. When we were in our addiction, we were no saner than that poor soul mumbling to himself or herself on the street.

Personal Reflection: What negative messages do my inner voices still tell me?

G-d Speaks To Me Through The Strangest People; Some Of Whom I Don’t Like

There are people in this world who walk around on tiptoes. They will never give you unsolicited advice. Sometimes this comes from a healthy place. They will only provide you with solutions to issues when you ask them for it. Then there are people who will never speak their mind for fear of other’s disapproval.

There are people at the opposite end of the spectrum. They have no difficulty whatsoever speaking their mind to you. They are full of advice on all things human. Quite often we might react with exasperation to this second group. “Who the heck is she to tell me what to do, or tell me why I’m doing it”?

In the program we learn to spiritualize our experiences. When we allow ourselves to get beyond our defensiveness and rationalizing, we find that these people often have a point. Quite frequently, their observations are accurate. We just need to be open and honest with ourselves in order to hear it. Part of that spiritualization is a belief that G-d speaks to us thru others. Unfortunately, we don’t get to choose from whom. We also think that our Higher Power has a sense of humor. Some of the most difficult people have accurate observations about us.

Personal Reflection: How can I improve listening to comments from difficult people?