We Stay Sober; I Get Drunk

There is a reality to sobriety that is irrefutable. We cannot and should not attempt to do this program by ourselves. That was our modus operandi while we were active. Although we had many feelings of anger, fear and shame we chose to not share those feelings with anyone else. We walked around in a state of upset. As a result,when the opportunity appeared for us to relieve ourselves of all of that upset through our drug of choice, we were more than willing participants. Then of course we felt remorse for using; or for actions while we were under the influence. Since we didn’t share this with anyone else, it was just piled on along with all of the other buried feelings. The cycle of upset, drug of choice and remorse had begun once again.
When we finally put down the alcohol, drugs or food, the cycle was temporarily broken. However if we failed to change our behavior, we would quickly end up back on the despair treadmill. A big part of that change was the acknowledgement that this is a “we” program. The failure to recognize this usually lead to relapse. Utilizing the wisdom and support of other members of the fellowship was critical to recovery. Once we got beyond our pride or shame and opened ourselves to the help and concern of others; we had a much greater chance of success.

Personal Reflection: Am I practicing a “we” program?

Ours Is Not A Caravan Of Despair

One encounters many types of people at meetings. Alcoholics and addicts are a varied lot. Recently, a women at a meeting expressed her love of poetry. She quoted the 13th. Century poet Rumi. His words from almost a 1000 years ago could have been found in the Big Book. He said, “Ours is not a caravan of despair. Come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. Come, yet again, come, come”.
As addicts we can totally identify with the writings of Rumi. So many of us had tried countless times to stop using our drug of choice. We would go to sleep or get up in the morning vowing that our day would be different. Somewhere during the day we ended up giving in to our addiction. After berating ourselves, we would once again make that vow to stop using drugs or alcohol or food. The cycle of resolve, addictive behavior and remorse was an endless treadmill that we found ourselves on.
Then one day, we encountered the possibility of getting off that treadmill.. We walked into a 12 step room and saw the possibility of a new way of living. For years we had felt little but despair. As we immersed ourselves in the program we uncovered a feeling that we had not experienced for a very long time. That was the feeling of hope.

Personal Reflection: Is there something in my life which is still a caravan of despair?