It’s been said that “it takes five years to get your marbles back and ten years to learn how to use them.” So, some of you are feeling pretty good right now because you’re walking around with some pretty useful marbles. And, as you look around you see that there are a lot of people out there who could really use some sagely sober advice.
Before you begin tapping into those marbles, a major ground rule is in order. People do not want to hear unsolicited advice. Even though the “answer to a problem” is incredibly clear to you; the other person may not be ready to even talk about it. If a person tells you they are not open to your “take” on an issue, that should be the end of it.
On a deeper level, we in the Program believe that when you have a deep insight about a problem, the source of this insight comes from a Higher plane. Your Higher Power has placed a person with a challenge in your path and granted you a moment of clarity. If the other person is open to your advice, that’s both of your Higher Powers at work.
So you sit down after a meeting and have an incredible conversation with someone about your solution to their issue. They are very open to what you have to say and commit to change based on your advice.
The next week at the same meeting you run into the same person who has not budged from their old way of thinking or acting. It’s not your business to repeat the conversation. The first time you spoke God was in the room. If you bring it up again, it’s your ego that’s in the room.
This doesn’t mean that your initial advice was lost. Maybe a week or a month or a year later that person might approach you and say, “remember that conversation we had?”
Personal Reflection: When you speak with others, whose will is in the room?
So many times in the past we found ourselves in untenable situations. At some point we probably asked ourselves, “How could I have ended up here?” In the majority of cases we initially had no intention of once again following a path which was harmful to us. This of course happens to everyone on occasion. For the alcoholic or addict it happens far more frequently and often involves alcohol, drugs or food.
Once we entered the program, many of the problems directly caused by our drug of choice were eliminated. However, we still found ourselves in many situations which indicated that we had made some wrong choices. It might have taken a bit of work, but we finally realized that the majority or our problems were self inflicted. Had we only run it by another member in the fellowship, we might have been offered other options to consider. It was a big mistake to attempt to go it alone. It was that very thinking that got us into trouble in the first place. As they say in the program, “it takes five years to get our marbles back; and another five to know what to do with them”. Ask anyone with more than ten years of sobriety and they will tell you that they still run things by others in the fellowship. We are humble enough to know that individually we do not have all the answers.
Personal Reflection: Do I reach out to others for counsel?
Sometimes you will meet someone at a meeting who truly inspires you. They seem to be an embodiment of all the principles of the program. After listening to them, you decide to boot up your own program. You start to make more meetings because of what you heard. You also journal, pray, meditate and call your sponsor more because you want to follow that great advice given to you earlier.
A few months pass and you see that person who inspired you once again. This time however they don’t look so good. In fact, they look pretty bad. When they share; you find out that they went out shortly after you spoke last and are just coming back. How did that happen? They had such good advice; yet here they are again counting days.
Perhaps a big part of the problem was that “inspiring person” had forgotten one of the principles of the program; to be honest in all of our dealings. Apart from the fact that they weren’t honest with you, more importantly they weren’t honest with themselves. They painted a picture of themselves which was completely false. At one time it had been true, but those days had faded. Pride had replaced truth and the results were a descent back into their disease.
Personal Reflection: Does my advice mirror my own actions?