Recently at an AA meeting a person shared how he had been chosen by his brother to be godfather to his newly born nephew. On Sunday morning, he got dressed in his best suit and headed over to his brother’s house. He never made it. He stopped at the bar and somehow “forgot” about the event. Needless to say his brother and sister-in-law were furious.
This type of scenario was very common while we were active. Our substance of choice often fueled self-sabotage. When we stopped using alcohol (or any other substance) we saw that the “ism” of alcoholism still remained. Just because we no longer drank or used didn’t mean that much of the associated behaviors were immediately lifted. Emotionally, many of us were extremely immature when we entered the program. On an unconscious level we engaged in sabotage to verify to ourselves that we really were unworthy people. As we worked our program and began to feel better about ourselves, we no longer needed to resort to self sabotage. We were able to drop the bravado and see our intrinsic personal worth as well as acknowledging our endorsable acts. Self sabotage was no longer a self-fulfilling prophesy.
Personal Reflection: How much “ism” do I still carry?